How can I support someone dealing with infertility?
An unfulfilled desire to have children can be one of the most emotionally challenging situations in the life of a couple or an individual. Experiencing difficulties conceiving can lead to feelings of sadness and frustration. In such moments, it is of great importance to have empathy and support.
In the article below, we explain what infertility means and how you can sensitively approach couples or individuals as they navigate their infertility journey.
What is infertility?
Everyone is unique, and how long it takes to conceive can vary from person to person. It's normal for it to take some time to conceive. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), infertility is when a couple is unable to conceive after more than a year of unprotected sex. From this point on, it is advisable to consult a doctor to clarify possible causes.
In certain cases it is a good idea to seek medical advice even earlier. For example, if the female partner is older than 35, unwanted childlessness can be clarified after 6 months. If a female over the age of 40 is trying to conceive, or she already knows that fertility problems are present, it makes sense to visit a fertility clinic or gynecologist. An early visit to the doctor doesn’t mean that infertility is necessarily present. Rather, it is about recognising possible obstacles at an early stage and, if necessary, taking measures to increase the chances of a successful pregnancy.
In many cases, the cause of infertility can be found through a medical examination. Common causes include ovulation disorders, hormonal disorders, diseases of the fallopian tubes or ovaries, or poor sperm quality. However, in around 15% of cases, the reason for difficulty conceiving cannot be identified by a fertility doctor. This is referred to as unexplained infertility
Infertility does not automatically mean that pregnancy is impossible. Thanks to advances in medical technology, a variety of assisted reproduction treatment options are available. From intrauterine insemination (IUI) to in vitro fertilisation (IVF) and intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI), there are many ways to fulfil your desire to have children. In our related article we go into more detail about the individual methods of assisted reproductive medicine offered by a fertility center.
How common is infertility?
Infertility is much more common than many realize. According to a WHO report from April 2023, 17.5% of adults worldwide are affected by infertility, i.e. about one in six. In Switzerland, 7,000 couples who are experiencing infertility or have a serious hereditary disease, make use of fertility treatment. Around 2,200 children are born each year with the help of assisted fertilisation.
A common misconception is that infertility is primarily a woman's fault. In fact, one-third of cases are due to male factors and one-third due to female factors. The remaining one-third of cases are either due to a combination of female and male infertility, or for unknown reasons (known as idiopathic infertility).
What is the difference between primary and secondary infertility?
Primary and secondary infertility are two terms used to describe different situations related to trying to have children.
Primary infertility refers to couples or individuals who have been unable to get pregnant despite regular unprotected sexual activity for a period of at least one year. In other words, they've never had a child before.
Secondary infertility refers to couples or individuals who have had at least one pregnancy but are having difficulty conceiving again.
It is important to note that both primary and secondary infertility can have different causes and should be assessed on an individual basis to ensure the best possible treatment and support.
What is the impact of experiencing infertility?
Infertility can mean much more than the inability to conceive naturally. When couples or individuals remain unintentionally childless, it can cause a great deal of emotional stress and impact mental health. The stress of infertility may draw out a roller coaster of emotions, including sadness, frustration, guilt and shame.
An unfulfilled desire to have children is a very personal issue. For many, it is difficult to tell others about it. There are various parts of the process that can bring on psychological stress, including:
- The process of diagnosis. Getting a diagnosis for the cause of infertility can be time-consuming and emotional. This involves speaking with a medical professional and going through fertility tests. In addition to feeling stress about the process, individuals may learn that they have a medical condition that impacts their fertility.
- Fertility treatments. Going through fertility treatments requires remaining available for various appointments, providing payment or navigating insurance, and undergoing medical procedures.
- Anticipating results. Following insemination, whether through intercourse or assisted fertilisation, there is around two weeks of waiting time following ovulation before it is clear whether conception took place. Beyond the difficulty of the two-week wait, it can also be hard to anticipate the results of a fertility analysis.
Gynecological examinations, blood tests and ultrasound can in many cases clarify the reasons for infertility. Some common causes include a lack of ovulation, anomalies in the egg cells, adhesions, endometriosis, and polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). A semen analysis is commonly done to evaluate sperm quality and quantity. Once the gynecologists have identified the causes, the chances of a successful pregnancy increase due to the possibility of appropriate treatment.
Although the pregnancy rate in fertility treatments is good, it often takes a long time to get there. Throughout the process, vacillating between hope and disappointment can be draining. Fertility clinics cannot guarantee successful conception, and in some cases a successful pregnancy fails to materialise despite numerous treatments.
A diagnosis of infertility can also be challenging for the couple's relationship. Learning to deal with it together, being supportive of each other and not losing hope can often be difficult.
Beyond the reasons stated above, the social side of infertility can be difficult. Seeing other people get pregnant ‘just like that’ or meeting parents with small children can also evoke intense negative feelings. Sometimes individuals need to take space and withdraw for their own wellbeing.
For these reasons, it can be crucial to find empathy and compassionate support. It helps many to know that they are not alone and that they can count on the understanding and support of those around them.
Tips for being supportive
There are various ways to support individuals or couples as they go through infertility:
Pay attention to your language
It is not always clear whether someone is struggling with infertility. Unless someone has approached you about the topic, it is a good idea to be sensitive and avoid questions or comments along the lines of, “Are you planning to have kids?” or “Are you trying?”.
If someone has been open with you about their journey, be aware of your choice of words during conversations. Avoid comments that could be perceived as superficial or derogatory and instead show empathy and encourage them (if desired) to talk about their experiences. Don't ask about children if you feel the person doesn't want to talk about it or if it's a difficult topic for them.
Show understanding
It is important to realise that having children is a sensitive issue. Show empathy by listening without judging or giving hasty advice (such as suggesting adoption). By allowing them to express their feelings and sharing in their sadness and disappointment, you can be a huge comfort.
Accept Limits
By offering your support, you can show those affected that you are there for them. You can offer help with practical tasks or invite them to talk. However, it is important to respect privacy and accept their choices. Some people want to talk about their situation, others prefer to withdraw more and seek less contact. It is up to the person to decide on the coping strategies that work for them. Respect their boundaries, and don't push them.
Learn about infertility
Whether you are a friend or family member, you can inform yourself about infertility and the various challenges that those affected are confronted with. This way you show interest and can better understand what they are going through. It can also help break down the stigma often associated with infertility. By speaking up and sharing information about infertility, we can help people feel understood and supported. This open dialogue enables us as a society to break down prejudices and show empathy.
Create a distraction
With imaginative ideas, you can help to shift the focus of those affected—even if often only for a short time—to pleasant things. For example, you could offer to find distractions or relaxation methods together to help them relieve stress. Offer to plan activities that have nothing to do with having children, such as going on a trip together or doing something together.
Support their choice to seek professional help
There are a variety of resources, support groups, and professionals who can help. The medical community has made significant advances in treating infertility, and seeking out professional help may involve various healthcare professionals, such as a psychologist, a naturopath or a physical therapist. You can support them to explore medical, psychological or alternative treatments.
Conclusion
The path to a successful pregnancy can vary and is not always predictable. For some couples or individuals, conceiving simply does not work out. Over a longer period of time, the lack of a positive pregnancy test can impact self-esteem and emotional and psychological wellbeing. Supporting couples or individuals experiencing infertility requires empathy, respect and sensitivity. By giving them space for their feelings, showing understanding and suggesting healthy ways to approach self-care, you can help them through this difficult time.
Cada is here to advise you on all topics surrounding fertility and pregnancy. Our compassionate experts can provide support for the physical and mental aspects of your fertility journey. Reserve your spot for a free consultation today.